Tuesday, April 10, 2012
Tuesday, March 27, 2012
how do you tell someone to wake up their idea and stop being so idealistic? how do you tell someone that if he wants something he has to fight for it, just like everyone else and not sit there and wait for good things to be bestowed upon him? How do you tell someone that it's painful seeing him struggle but the struggle will be worth it and the struggle is necessary for you to be a better person and get to a better place? how do you tell someone that they havent been working hard enough and that they need to put in more effort? how do you tell someone that when you don't want to hurt his feelings, when you know that he will get angry and react defensively?
can i live with someone who is so cynical his cynicism can drown himself and me alive? can i truly be happy when someone like that seems to be sapping up all the happiness and excitement in my life? what makes such a person truly happy? Please teach me how to make such a person happy, please please teach me.
sometimes I get so very tired and I don't see the point to all this. sometimes I just want to give up because it is so tiring and it is so unnecessarily difficult. sometimes i wonder why i put myself through this when I could have just left and walked away. Sometimes I wonder why i try so hard and i wonder if these will be worth it in the end.
Monday, December 19, 2011
Tuesday, December 13, 2011
New experiences
It’s been such a long time since I have blogged, 4 months to be exact. So many things have changed in the last four short, intense months. I am studying in a new place, living in a new environment, doing a whole new subject, hanging out with new people (but cherishing my old friendships very much), and going to different places.
I was always very reluctant to come to London because I knew it would be hard. I knew it probably isn’t as fun as it seemed and that I will miss my family, friends and comfort very very much. I didn’t think it would be easy to work out an LDR, I didn’t think I could do a lot of things on my own but my time here has shown be that I can live on my own sufficiently (and very well indeed) and I had my moments of fun the four months I am here. Above all, despite the sacrifices and difficulties I have to go through and will experience more of in the future, I am glad I came.
It’s amazing how much I learnt when I just had to learn- do or die. Now in London, I can (miraculously) wake up by myself and get to school on time, cook myself decent meals without killing myself, have the discipline to eat breakfast and more fruits and vegetables, wash the toilet, do my laundry and dishes, fix up a printer and drying rack and lots of things I would never have the chance to learn/do in Singapore just because I could always depend on others to help me do them. Here without my dad to yell at me or my domestic helper to do the chores, I can only depend on myself. For the lack of other reasons, this is probably the most most most important reason why I would send my kids overseas in the future. People say you gain independence when you go overseas. For me, rather than the independence you gain, you gain skills to make sure that independence is well earned and protected.
Coming to London to study and coming to my particular school was difficult for me because I didn’t come with any of my good friends. Although most of my classmates went overseas for studies, all of my good friends went to oxford, SG, US and ahhhh it was so annoying when people in London really aren’t people I’ll hang out with. I’m just really glad that I managed to find my own circle of friends whom I can hang out, go shopping, talk cock, go out, cook together with. My experience here might probably be enhanced if I had closer non-chinese/non-asian friends but it’s honestly really hard to be able to click with them on a personal, close basis. Glad I have nice british flatmates though, although like I said, it’s hard to communicate and know them really well when the only time when I talk to them is when I cook or do my dishes. But still glad that I think I have made friends whom I can and will continue talking to even when I return back to Sg.
Haha I totally had a clubbing culture shock and I’m glad that I managed to have a clear stand on it, as much as people might find me really boring and restrictive since I am forever the only one to say “no” to a clubbing invitation. I can never understand the joy people derive from clubbing. To me, it’s literally downing yourself in expensive toxic, bouncing on the dance floor awkwardly and being high, crazy, drunk and doing things describe as “liberating” and “relaxing”. I really don’t get it. I’m not sure if it’s my personality or the people I’m used to hanging out with in JC or the fact that I find it so so ridiculous but AHHH sometimes I wish people didn’t like clubbing so much! I really much rather spend that amount of money on food and shopping, the joy I gain from doing those activities are like 20000x more. & I am not saying such things from the experience of someone who hasn’t entered into a club before. I’ve “clubbed” twice here due to “peer pressure” and absolutely hate it. NEVER AGAIN. The weirdest question ive gotten here about clubbing remains “don’t you club with douglas?!” HAHAHAHA HOW ABOUT NO?! of course not, aren’t there better things to do with your better half like take the bus and talk to each other, go take a walk, go eat, go shopping rather than going to a club filled with sooo many weird people who are really just drunk, insane and annoying? Sighs, this is something I will never understand and ah wells, I don’t really care.
Studying law is challenging and hard work. But it is also very interesting and mind boggling, sometimes too mind boggling for me to take. I am glad that I studied this subject and I am happy that I am being taught by really good teachers. Most of my teachers are awesome, except for one which I really detest omg!!! So annoying but it’s okay he’s gonna leave and next term I will have a new teacher! :D:D:D he better be good man, I’ve been wasting an entire term with this crazily hopeless teacher. The learning and classroom culture is really different here compared to back at home. The amount of “discussion” I feel is really limited because although there are lots of people talking during tutorials, it’s really just talking for the sake of talking and I honestly don’t learn much from their “questions” etc. Asians are in comparison sooo much quieter than them mainly because we don’t see the use in talking. I hardly ever even open my mouth in here. Sighs exams are due when I am back in January, gotta go mug hard for it!
LDR is hard work. Harder work when Douglas can be really annoying but so far it’s working pretty well. We’ve definitely annoyed each other over skype, haha I have no idea how but yeah it’s fine even though I seem to have a lot to complain about him according to my friends. And also according to them “all you say about douglas is bad stuff”. I miss him badly though, it’s different without him being physically next to me. For one I can’t punch him when he’s annoying or rude and I also cannot hug him when I want to. Gonna go back soon! :D
Travelled to Prague and Cambridge while I’m here and those short trips were pretty good and relaxing! I also did lots of exciting things in London, love their xmas/random markets which sell really cool trinkets, been to winter wonderland, been to Portobello/borough market which sell really nice food, antiques, cool stuff.. Shopping here is pretty good though things can be really expensive. Love the parks and lush grasses here although in winter it’s pretty insane to visit such places since I’ll probably freeze my ass off.
I also had my bad moments here. Fell sick and it took me 2 freaking weeks to recover. Those were my worst days in London because I felt so sick I couldn’t do my work and I had to drag myself to attend tutorials and lectures. Douglas was in Taiwan so I had one less person to whine to and when I was sick, everything I cooked tasted so bad and bland it was really miserable. Couldn’t really tell my parents I was sick for2 weeks because it would totally worry them so although they knew I was sick, they thought I recovered within 2 days. Ahhaha yeah right, since when is Sally so strong.
Many things have happened in the 4 months, what a whirlwind experience. I think I need to set aside more time to appreciate the different things I have done and accomplished. Need to enjoy myself more in the remaining of my time here. It would really suck if I look back on my three years and go “damn I could have done so much more when I was back in London”. I want to try new things without feeling uncomfortable or compromising what I believe in and I want to immerse myself in new experiences which I will truly enjoy! Coming back in 4 days time I REALLY CANNOT WAIT AHHHH (:
“If a great wave shall fall, and fall upon us all, and between sand and stone, could you make it on your own?”-wherever you will go, The Calling
I was always very reluctant to come to London because I knew it would be hard. I knew it probably isn’t as fun as it seemed and that I will miss my family, friends and comfort very very much. I didn’t think it would be easy to work out an LDR, I didn’t think I could do a lot of things on my own but my time here has shown be that I can live on my own sufficiently (and very well indeed) and I had my moments of fun the four months I am here. Above all, despite the sacrifices and difficulties I have to go through and will experience more of in the future, I am glad I came.
It’s amazing how much I learnt when I just had to learn- do or die. Now in London, I can (miraculously) wake up by myself and get to school on time, cook myself decent meals without killing myself, have the discipline to eat breakfast and more fruits and vegetables, wash the toilet, do my laundry and dishes, fix up a printer and drying rack and lots of things I would never have the chance to learn/do in Singapore just because I could always depend on others to help me do them. Here without my dad to yell at me or my domestic helper to do the chores, I can only depend on myself. For the lack of other reasons, this is probably the most most most important reason why I would send my kids overseas in the future. People say you gain independence when you go overseas. For me, rather than the independence you gain, you gain skills to make sure that independence is well earned and protected.
Coming to London to study and coming to my particular school was difficult for me because I didn’t come with any of my good friends. Although most of my classmates went overseas for studies, all of my good friends went to oxford, SG, US and ahhhh it was so annoying when people in London really aren’t people I’ll hang out with. I’m just really glad that I managed to find my own circle of friends whom I can hang out, go shopping, talk cock, go out, cook together with. My experience here might probably be enhanced if I had closer non-chinese/non-asian friends but it’s honestly really hard to be able to click with them on a personal, close basis. Glad I have nice british flatmates though, although like I said, it’s hard to communicate and know them really well when the only time when I talk to them is when I cook or do my dishes. But still glad that I think I have made friends whom I can and will continue talking to even when I return back to Sg.
Haha I totally had a clubbing culture shock and I’m glad that I managed to have a clear stand on it, as much as people might find me really boring and restrictive since I am forever the only one to say “no” to a clubbing invitation. I can never understand the joy people derive from clubbing. To me, it’s literally downing yourself in expensive toxic, bouncing on the dance floor awkwardly and being high, crazy, drunk and doing things describe as “liberating” and “relaxing”. I really don’t get it. I’m not sure if it’s my personality or the people I’m used to hanging out with in JC or the fact that I find it so so ridiculous but AHHH sometimes I wish people didn’t like clubbing so much! I really much rather spend that amount of money on food and shopping, the joy I gain from doing those activities are like 20000x more. & I am not saying such things from the experience of someone who hasn’t entered into a club before. I’ve “clubbed” twice here due to “peer pressure” and absolutely hate it. NEVER AGAIN. The weirdest question ive gotten here about clubbing remains “don’t you club with douglas?!” HAHAHAHA HOW ABOUT NO?! of course not, aren’t there better things to do with your better half like take the bus and talk to each other, go take a walk, go eat, go shopping rather than going to a club filled with sooo many weird people who are really just drunk, insane and annoying? Sighs, this is something I will never understand and ah wells, I don’t really care.
Studying law is challenging and hard work. But it is also very interesting and mind boggling, sometimes too mind boggling for me to take. I am glad that I studied this subject and I am happy that I am being taught by really good teachers. Most of my teachers are awesome, except for one which I really detest omg!!! So annoying but it’s okay he’s gonna leave and next term I will have a new teacher! :D:D:D he better be good man, I’ve been wasting an entire term with this crazily hopeless teacher. The learning and classroom culture is really different here compared to back at home. The amount of “discussion” I feel is really limited because although there are lots of people talking during tutorials, it’s really just talking for the sake of talking and I honestly don’t learn much from their “questions” etc. Asians are in comparison sooo much quieter than them mainly because we don’t see the use in talking. I hardly ever even open my mouth in here. Sighs exams are due when I am back in January, gotta go mug hard for it!
LDR is hard work. Harder work when Douglas can be really annoying but so far it’s working pretty well. We’ve definitely annoyed each other over skype, haha I have no idea how but yeah it’s fine even though I seem to have a lot to complain about him according to my friends. And also according to them “all you say about douglas is bad stuff”. I miss him badly though, it’s different without him being physically next to me. For one I can’t punch him when he’s annoying or rude and I also cannot hug him when I want to. Gonna go back soon! :D
Travelled to Prague and Cambridge while I’m here and those short trips were pretty good and relaxing! I also did lots of exciting things in London, love their xmas/random markets which sell really cool trinkets, been to winter wonderland, been to Portobello/borough market which sell really nice food, antiques, cool stuff.. Shopping here is pretty good though things can be really expensive. Love the parks and lush grasses here although in winter it’s pretty insane to visit such places since I’ll probably freeze my ass off.
I also had my bad moments here. Fell sick and it took me 2 freaking weeks to recover. Those were my worst days in London because I felt so sick I couldn’t do my work and I had to drag myself to attend tutorials and lectures. Douglas was in Taiwan so I had one less person to whine to and when I was sick, everything I cooked tasted so bad and bland it was really miserable. Couldn’t really tell my parents I was sick for2 weeks because it would totally worry them so although they knew I was sick, they thought I recovered within 2 days. Ahhaha yeah right, since when is Sally so strong.
Many things have happened in the 4 months, what a whirlwind experience. I think I need to set aside more time to appreciate the different things I have done and accomplished. Need to enjoy myself more in the remaining of my time here. It would really suck if I look back on my three years and go “damn I could have done so much more when I was back in London”. I want to try new things without feeling uncomfortable or compromising what I believe in and I want to immerse myself in new experiences which I will truly enjoy! Coming back in 4 days time I REALLY CANNOT WAIT AHHHH (:
“If a great wave shall fall, and fall upon us all, and between sand and stone, could you make it on your own?”-wherever you will go, The Calling
Friday, August 12, 2011
in a month's time i will be gone. I can hardly believe it and I feel sadness so much more than excitement. I know I have a lot going for me and I should be thankful for this chance to go overseas and even go overseas without using my parents' money but the thought of me leaving behind so many people saddens and engulfs me.
I never really wanted to go overseas as badly as some of my friends and it was only in jc that the thought ever seriously crossed my mind and now I can hardly believe that I am flying off and staying there for 3 long years. I feel like it is a necessary part of my growth and I need to spend some time away from my family and learn to be independent. I know that it will not be easy and in fact i can foresee myself being really gloomy everyday for perhaps a month.
I will miss Douglas a lot. I already miss him so much after spending his block leave with him and no matter how much facebook/skype we can do with each other I think nothing beats having him next to me for me to talk to and whack. I really will miss him a lot. I will miss the love and concern my family showers on me although I am often impatient with the way i speak to them. I can't imagine living alone without their naggy voices yelling at me to hurry up and nagging at me for my bad habit of being perpetually late. I will miss my sister coming to my room every 10 minutes disturbing me about something of no importance and I will miss seeing her fall asleep on my bed every time she crashes on it.
SIGHS. I know i shouldn't be whining and complaining about my "predicament" but I really can't help but feel sad that I am leaving so very soon. I wish time could come to a stand still now ):
okay not coherent cant really think but ahhhh one month's time!!!
I never really wanted to go overseas as badly as some of my friends and it was only in jc that the thought ever seriously crossed my mind and now I can hardly believe that I am flying off and staying there for 3 long years. I feel like it is a necessary part of my growth and I need to spend some time away from my family and learn to be independent. I know that it will not be easy and in fact i can foresee myself being really gloomy everyday for perhaps a month.
I will miss Douglas a lot. I already miss him so much after spending his block leave with him and no matter how much facebook/skype we can do with each other I think nothing beats having him next to me for me to talk to and whack. I really will miss him a lot. I will miss the love and concern my family showers on me although I am often impatient with the way i speak to them. I can't imagine living alone without their naggy voices yelling at me to hurry up and nagging at me for my bad habit of being perpetually late. I will miss my sister coming to my room every 10 minutes disturbing me about something of no importance and I will miss seeing her fall asleep on my bed every time she crashes on it.
SIGHS. I know i shouldn't be whining and complaining about my "predicament" but I really can't help but feel sad that I am leaving so very soon. I wish time could come to a stand still now ):
okay not coherent cant really think but ahhhh one month's time!!!
Wednesday, August 10, 2011
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